𝓘𝓽 𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓲𝓻𝓼𝓽 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮 𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷 𝓭𝓮𝓬𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓰𝓸 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓶𝓪 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓪 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵. 𝓗𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝔁𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓮𝔁𝓬𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭. 𝓗𝓮 𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓷𝓮𝔀 𝓬𝓵𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓮𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓸𝓬𝓬𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷. 𝓗𝓮 𝓪𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓶𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓱𝓲𝓶𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯, 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓹𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓪 𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓪 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓫𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓸𝓷 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓭𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓽𝓮 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓮. 𝓦𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓱𝓮 𝓴𝓲𝓼𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓲𝓻𝓼𝓽 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮? 𝓜𝓪𝓰𝓰𝓲𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓬𝓴𝓼 𝓱𝓲𝓶. 𝓢𝓱𝓮 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀𝓼 𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓲𝓼 𝓰𝓸𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓷 𝓪 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮. 𝓢𝓱𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓲𝓯 𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵. 𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷 𝓲𝓼 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓯𝓲𝓯𝓽𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝔂𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓼 𝓸𝓵𝓭, 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭. 𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷'𝓼 𝓶𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓼𝓸𝓷. 𝓢𝓱𝓮 𝓽𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓼 𝓱𝓲𝓶, "𝓡𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓶𝓫𝓮𝓻, 𝓫𝓮𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓹𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓲𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝓷 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓪 𝓫𝓸𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓱𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓫𝔂 𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓹𝓶."

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Komentarze (8)

  • Narrator 10 miesięcy temu
    There are many ways you could improve this story, see my tips below. As you progress in the story, the deficiency of your English becomes more visible. Get yourself a tutorial on how to write a simple prose in English, before moving any further.

    It would be better to change the beginning to:
    'It is the first time John decided to go to the cinema with a girl'
    Expression 'is to go' implies he had to go not that much of his own will. Otherwise, you should clarify intention of the author.

    'He shaved, even though he had no stubble yet' — this sentence is awkwardly constructed and sounds ambiguous. How could he shave himself, if he hadn't grown a stubble? Also, the word 'though' is overused in the remaining part of the text.
    Consider changing to something like:
    'He attempted to shave himself, despite there was not a hint of a stubble on his delicate face'

    'the first time' — repeated twice.

    Likewise, there are many problems in the remaining part of the text, but I stop here.

    I do not mark this text, as I believe it should not be published on this web site.

    Kind regards.
  • Edward Handscissors 10 miesięcy temu
    I won't bite your head off, because I know you are only trying to help. You are a very kind man and I really appreciate your efforts. I apologize for my mistakes. They are not done on purpose.

    Yours faithfully
    Edward Scissorshand.
  • Narrator 10 miesięcy temu
    Edward Handscissors
    I'm not that much about picking up your mistakes, which each of us does, but your intentions, why you insist on publishing boyish little stories translated in English on Polish web site.

    Mutually, I would be obliged if you gave me a straight answer.
  • Edward Handscissors 10 miesięcy temu
    Narrator I understand you. When you listten to a false melodic line while sitting in the front row of the philharmonic hall performed by a violinist with a year's experience , you wonder if the conductor is deaf or drunk, or if you have something wrong with your hearing. You get angry more and more and start to hate this.
  • Narrator 10 miesięcy temu
    Edward Handscissors
    I asked you a simple question, you couldn't give me an honest answer. At least stop kidding yourself and be accountable to your readers.
  • Edward Handscissors 10 miesięcy temu
    Narrator , Would you mind not reading my stories anymore?
  • Narrator 10 miesięcy temu
    Edward Handscissors
    Sorry, but your stories are so interesting, I would be lying if I promised not to read them.
  • Edward Handscissors 10 miesięcy temu
    Narrator It is a pity that one cannot add small drawings below the text. I would draw you a little sheep in a box.

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