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Komentarze (8)
It would be better to change the beginning to:
'It is the first time John decided to go to the cinema with a girl'
Expression 'is to go' implies he had to go not that much of his own will. Otherwise, you should clarify intention of the author.
'He shaved, even though he had no stubble yet' — this sentence is awkwardly constructed and sounds ambiguous. How could he shave himself, if he hadn't grown a stubble? Also, the word 'though' is overused in the remaining part of the text.
Consider changing to something like:
'He attempted to shave himself, despite there was not a hint of a stubble on his delicate face'
'the first time' — repeated twice.
Likewise, there are many problems in the remaining part of the text, but I stop here.
I do not mark this text, as I believe it should not be published on this web site.
Kind regards.
Yours faithfully
Edward Scissorshand.
I'm not that much about picking up your mistakes, which each of us does, but your intentions, why you insist on publishing boyish little stories translated in English on Polish web site.
Mutually, I would be obliged if you gave me a straight answer.
I asked you a simple question, you couldn't give me an honest answer. At least stop kidding yourself and be accountable to your readers.
Sorry, but your stories are so interesting, I would be lying if I promised not to read them.
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