...

?? ?? ??? ????? ???? ???? ??????? ?? ?? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ? ????. ?? ?? ???? ??????? ??? ???????. ?? ?????? ??? ??????? ??? ????? ??? ??? ????????. ?? ????????? ?? ????? ???????, ??????? ????? ??? ??? ? ???? ?? ? ??????? ?? ??? ???????? ????. ???? ?? ???? ??? ???? ??? ??? ????? ????? ?????? ????? ???. ??? ????? ??? ??????? ?? ????? ?? ? ????. ??? ?? ??????? ?? ???? ???? ???? ???? ?? ??? ????. ???? ?? ???? ??????? ????? ???, ???? ???? ??? ??????. ????'? ?????? ??????? ????? ??? ???. ??? ????? ???, "????????, ?????? ???? ? ??????????? ??? ???? ?????? ??? ??? ????? ? ??? ??? ???? ???? ???? ?? ???? ??."

Średnia ocena: 1.8  Głosów: 4

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Komentarze (8)

  • Narrator 17.10.2021
    There are many ways you could improve this story, see my tips below. As you progress in the story, the deficiency of your English becomes more visible. Get yourself a tutorial on how to write a simple prose in English, before moving any further.

    It would be better to change the beginning to:
    'It is the first time John decided to go to the cinema with a girl'
    Expression 'is to go' implies he had to go not that much of his own will. Otherwise, you should clarify intention of the author.

    'He shaved, even though he had no stubble yet' — this sentence is awkwardly constructed and sounds ambiguous. How could he shave himself, if he hadn't grown a stubble? Also, the word 'though' is overused in the remaining part of the text.
    Consider changing to something like:
    'He attempted to shave himself, despite there was not a hint of a stubble on his delicate face'

    'the first time' — repeated twice.

    Likewise, there are many problems in the remaining part of the text, but I stop here.

    I do not mark this text, as I believe it should not be published on this web site.

    Kind regards.
  • I won't bite your head off, because I know you are only trying to help. You are a very kind man and I really appreciate your efforts. I apologize for my mistakes. They are not done on purpose.

    Yours faithfully
    Edward Scissorshand.
  • Narrator 17.10.2021
    Edward Handscissors
    I'm not that much about picking up your mistakes, which each of us does, but your intentions, why you insist on publishing boyish little stories translated in English on Polish web site.

    Mutually, I would be obliged if you gave me a straight answer.
  • Narrator I understand you. When you listten to a false melodic line while sitting in the front row of the philharmonic hall performed by a violinist with a year's experience , you wonder if the conductor is deaf or drunk, or if you have something wrong with your hearing. You get angry more and more and start to hate this.
  • Narrator 17.10.2021
    Edward Handscissors
    I asked you a simple question, you couldn't give me an honest answer. At least stop kidding yourself and be accountable to your readers.
  • Narrator , Would you mind not reading my stories anymore?
  • Narrator 17.10.2021
    Edward Handscissors
    Sorry, but your stories are so interesting, I would be lying if I promised not to read them.
  • Narrator It is a pity that one cannot add small drawings below the text. I would draw you a little sheep in a box.

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