A + M=♡
Prologue
Armin's Perspective:
I'll be a dad soon. My mother is furious.
Dad is happy.My beloved's parents are surprised.
1
Martin's Perspective:
We went to the gynaecologist. A genetic defect was found
The baby is going to die a few hours after the labour. We are devastated
2
Armin's Perspective:
At the urging of a friend, we went to another doctor - his mother.
Ultrasound examination:
"What did that doctor say?" Asked the woman.
"The baby has Edwards Syndrome," I replied.
She looked at the monitor again and replied:
-It's a mistake. It's healthy, and that's a beating ?.
3
Martin's Perspective:
We called a family reunion.
- What happened? - the relatives were surprised.
"We know what you did," replied Armin.
My partner's mother was not surprised by our discovery.
I had to do it. It was the best solution for everyone,
"What did you come up with?" Armin's father asked.
-I paid a friend of mine gynecologist to fake the results of the ultrasound.He told them the baby had Edwards' Syndrome, she explained.
"You're terrible. I don't want to know you anymore. I'm divorcing you.", Replied the man.
4
Armin's Perspective:
Evening:
My mother and the doctor were arrested.
Dad made the right decision.
Our baby will be wonderful.
Epilogue
Martin's Perspective:
Cináed was born healthy.
The End
Komentarze (8)
Kilka przykładów:
?
'We were at the gynecologist. Found a genetic defect.'
Ta wypowiedź sugeruje, że to wy wykryliście defekt, a nie ginekolog.
Powinno być:
'We went to the gynaecologist. He/she found a genetic defect.'
albo
'We went to the gynaecologist. A genetic defect was found.' (passive voice)
?
'The baby will die a few hours after giving birth. We are desperate.'
Z tego zdania wynika, że dziecko umrze kilka godzin po tym, jak urodzi dziecko. Kto urodzi?
Lepiej napisać:
'The baby is going to die a few hours after the labour. We are devastated'.
?
'I had to do it. It was for the best for everyone,' she said.
Niepotrzebne powtórzenie 'for':
'I had to do it. It was the best solution for everyone,' she said.
Sam tekst brzmi niewiarygodnie: dialogi są sztuczne, nieżyciowe, wyssane kompletnie z palca. ? Naprawdę nie stać Cię na nic lepszego❓?
Jeśli nie interesują cię moje teksty ,to ich nie czytaj.
Piszesz tylko dla siebie, jako rodzaj terapii?
Doradzam w dobrej wierze❣️, a żeby ocenić tekst, czy jest interesujący, muszę go wpierw przeczytać. ?
Skoro piszesz dla siebie, to po co tu wstawiasz?
Napisz komentarz
Zaloguj się, aby mieć możliwość komentowania