The Girl And Her Dreams ch. 5

𝓜𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓱𝓪 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓭 𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓯𝓲𝓻𝓼𝓽 𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓮. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓭 𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓪 𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓱𝓪𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮 𝓹𝓲𝓰𝓼.

𝓗𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝓲𝓷 𝓪 𝓼𝓶𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓿𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓪𝓰𝓮. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓿𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝓹𝓸𝓸𝓻 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓹𝓮𝓸𝓹𝓵𝓮 𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼 𝓱𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓻𝔂. 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓭𝓲𝓭𝓷'𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓯𝓸𝓸𝓭, 𝓼𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓪𝓵 𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷'𝓼 𝓹𝓲𝓰𝓼. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓫𝓸𝔂 𝓸𝓯𝓽𝓮𝓷 𝓼𝓵𝓮𝓹𝓽 𝓭𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓵𝓪𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓼, 𝓼𝓸 𝓽𝓮𝓪𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓫𝓮𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓻. 𝓐𝓵𝓵 𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝔀𝓪𝓽𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓹𝓲𝓰𝓼 𝓴𝓮𝓹𝓽 𝓲𝓷 𝓪 𝓫𝓪𝓻𝓷. 𝓞𝓷𝓮 𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽, 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓪𝓵𝓶𝓸𝓼𝓽 𝓪𝓼𝓵𝓮𝓮𝓹, 𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓪𝔀 𝓪 𝓯𝓸𝔁. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝔁 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓼𝓹𝓮𝓬𝓲𝓪𝓵, 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓴. '𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷𝓷𝔂, 𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷𝓷𝔂, 𝔀𝓱𝔂 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓸 𝓹𝓸𝓸𝓻?', 𝓪𝓼𝓴𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝔁. '𝓘 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀', 𝓻𝓮𝓹𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓭 𝓙𝓸𝓱𝓷 𝓼𝓱𝓻𝓾𝓰𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓼. ' 𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓶𝓮, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘'𝓵𝓵 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓰𝓸𝓵𝓭 𝓱𝓲𝓭𝓭𝓮𝓷 𝓲𝓷 𝓪 𝓬𝓪𝓿𝓮' - 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝔁.

Następne częściThe Girl And Her Dreams ch. 6

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Komentarze (4)

  • Narrator 4 dni temu
    Można zrozumieć, ale trudno się tym zachwycić.

    Brakuje ciągłości myśli i następstwa czasu. Skoro Maria skończyła pisać książkę powinieneś użyć czasu past perfect (had finished), ponieważ to jest opowiadanie i wszystko się dzieje w przeszłości. Ten odcinek uszedłby za początek nowego opowiadania, ale nie pasuje do poprzednich części — zamiast dalszego ciągu przygód Marii mamy przygody wymyślane przez Marię. Brakuje wyraźnego kierunku — prowadzisz czytelnika w różne strony po wertepach, zaczynasz nowe wątki, do których później nie wracasz, chyba dlatego, że najtrudniej jest wymyślić zaskakujące, a jednocześnie sensowne zakończenie.

    Johnny — dwa N.

    Jeszcze jeden drobiazg: przecinek umieszczamy w wypowiedzi dialogowej, przed cudzysłowem, ponieważ jest to odpowiednik myślnika. Zobacz przykład poniżej:

    It was a productive year for Mary: she had finished her first book and started working on another one. The new book was about little Johny whom people called dumb, because only a dumb person cannot find a girlfriend despite being a handsome man. Johny lived alone in a remote, forgotten village surrounded by swamps and thick forest. People in the village were poor and often forced to go to bed on an empty stomach. They toiled hard in the fields, but weather was unfavourable: sandy soil had been washed away by heavy rains, later came scourging heat of summer sun burning anything in its path. Whatever villagers could harvest wasn't enough to feed themselves and their families. Johnny's neighbours watched with envy how the little fella feeds his three pigs. ‘Where does he get fodder from?’ they wondered. They didn’t know Johnny’s little secret: he could understand speech of wild creatures of the woods. This unusual ability helped him survive worst times. But everything has its price, only little Johny hadn’t known about it yet.
    ‘Come with me,’ said once a fox living in the forest. ‘I’ll show you where golden coins are buried’.
    ‘Golden coins…,’ whispered Johny with astonishment. ‘How do you know the place?’
    ‘I marked it with a boar’s scull,’ answered fox wagging his fluffy tail.
    ‘I bet you’re right,’ said Johny without much thinking, because he believed anything he heard.
    He followed the fox eagerly, unaware his friend had something quite different on his mind.
  • Abbie Faria 3 dni temu
    Thank you for your comment. It was Martha who had written the stories. Not Mary. It's a bit confusing. In your version of story you have written a name - Johnny without n doubled twice :). Anyway, Thanks a lot.
  • Narrator wczoraj o 15:19
    Abbie Faria

    >>>> In your version of story you have written a name - Johnny without n doubled twice

    I wrote over your text and didn't correct misspelled names. Besides — this is just a comment I cannot change. Had I written it again, it would be better.

    Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease, 💜🕊️😊
    N.
  • Abbie Faria wczoraj o 17:23
    Narrator Yes. Thanks a lot.

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